A Thoughtful Story

A Logical Parable — English


One time, when I was living in Arizona, I wanted to make a sandwich. Not randomly; I was hungry. And my cooking skill goes about as far as egg salad. Plus, I’d gone to the grocery store the day before (like a grown-up), and I wanted to eat some food. MY food.

Anyway, I’m pulling the sandwich fixin’s out of the fridge and there’s a problem: no mayonnaise. Which is strange, because I knew I’d bought mayonnaise. I recalled it very clearly. And my memory has always been excellent. So where was my damn mayonnaise? Maybe on a different shelf? Maybe hiding? Nope. Definitely not. All there was in my fridge was sandwich fixin’s, eggs, and beer.

Did somebody … steal my mayonnaise? See this look on my face? Yeah, I knew it was ridiculous. I mean, not entirely ridiculous. My friend Doug, when he was a kid, somebody broke into his house and, while stealing stuff, took a dump on the sofa. It’s not inconceivable that somebody could have broken into my apartment, taken the time to go through my fridge, and decided to just take the mayo.

So I turned around to look in my living room. All my stuff was still there. TV, XBox and PlayStation, games and movies. Well, damn, I guess I just remembered wrong. I turn back around and … there’s my mayonnaise on the counter.

Option the Third: I talk to myself and don’t pay attention to what I’m doing and had already gotten the mayonnaise out of the fridge.

The sandwich ended up being okay. Ham and cheddar, mayo and mustard. On white bread. But that’s not what I want to talk about.